My Thoughts

There Must Be More

2005-12-07T11:17:00.000-08:00

Sorry that I have not been writing in this as much as I would like to. I sometimes find it difficult to find good topics to write about. Anyway, I went to chapel at NCCS today. So many memories came back, good and not quite as good ones. I still have a longing in my heart to see a change at New Covenant. It still seems as though they are stuck in the same things. I just know that God wants so much more for for them, why settle? Last year I gave a talk entitled "There Must Be More" and I know that God is wanting to do more and pour out his spirit in a way they have never experienced, he is just waiting for surrender and some of the walls and chains to be broken. I also am experiencing what I was just talking about in my own life, the whole idea that there must be more than what I am experiencing right now, and there is. So if there is so much more why do I continue to sit back instead of pursueing it. I believe that believers should be operating on such a deeper level and intimacy with God. We should be laying our hands on the sick and watching them recover, praying and seeing the results, etc. So why aren't we? Honestly, I personally believe it is because of a lack of surrender. How many times do we continuosly hold onto things that God is telling us to let go of. If we just boldly did what God told us to do, without complaining and with a good attitude, think of the impact that would have. Complete Surrender!!! I believe God wants and will use us if we will only let go of the things he is telling us to let go of.

Another thing I had been thinking about was the whole concept of dating and/or courting. I remember Pastor Dave saying a while back that he thinks courting is full of rules, and he doesn't like or agree with the book "I kissed dating goodbye". I was so relieved to hear that. All my life, (mostly at New Covenant) I have been taught that dating was bad and that God didn't like it, courting was always shown to be the best. But in courting everyone always said you hang out in groups and can't go places by yourselves, etc. How in the world are you supposed to get to know a person if you can't hang out with them one on one? My belief is you shouldn't date unless you think there is a possibility that you could marry the person, not just go from girl to girl, boy to boy. Also talk to God and see if you have peace about dating the person. Also I think each couple should talk about standards and what they will and will not do. Obviously don't allow yourself to be put in a compromising situation, but that doesn't mean you can't go get coffee together or go bowling. Anyway, my whole percpective on dating has changed, I now don't think its "evil", however, I am not just going to go out and date a bunch of guys. I hope that the next time I date someone it is the person I will end up marrying. I plan to wait until God brings that certain someone in my life.

Kingdom of God and Politics

2005-11-23T22:37:00.000-08:00

This semester I have been attending a government internship class, which actually is pretty cool. Different speakers come and talk to us about their positions and how they feel about certain issues. Last week, however, was definitely one of the best. We had the new mayor of Lansing come in, Virg Bernero, and his speech was definitely interesting. All I can say is I hope none of my friends who live in Lansing voted for him. Now I know politics is full of people who lie and it can be very deceitful, but this guy flat out told us he lied all the time. He said its important to say you have "a plan" even if you don't have one because it makes you look good. He also completely bashed Bush, for no good reason. He said he didn't like his face or the way he talked. Oh he also said he is waiting for Bush's plan about the war in Iraq. Not only that but he even critized all republicans in general. At the beginning he said he was bi-partisan, but it was quite obvious later on that it was a lie. He asked us how we could even call ourselves Republicans because we make absolutely no sense. Now I admit not everything the Republicans do makes sense or is right, however, the democrats make even less sense on more issues. At the end he told one of his assistants that we deserved the "truth" and thats why he told us all of that. I was so mad when I left. Anyway, I think I needed to vent...I might as well add though that the democrats in my class didn't like him either, one of them called him a weasal, and that he dodges questions. One person in my class asked what he is going to do to help lower college tution and all, and his reply was that young people don't care about politics and don't vote, so why should they be helped. Whats up with that?? Anyway, I digress.....

About the Kingdom of God and how it relates to politics is quite interesting. Do you ever get sick of hearing the same messages only in different words, and when you finally do hear something new its refreshing and so amazing? Well I heard a message like that yesterday. Miles Munroe is a preacher from the Bahamas and he was on Benny Hinns program and what he shared was amazing, it makes complete sense yet I've never heard it preached before. It was about how the Kingdom of God is not a democracy or a republic. It is ruled by a King (Jesus).
So in a democracy you vote, when there is a king, you don't. The king's word becomes law, you don't question it, you just obey. In the church we sometimes vote on what we want, it becomes religious, we treat the kingdom of God like a democracy. Oh my gosh there is so much that I can't even remember and write it all, but it was amazing and I don't know if I'm even making sense here. He also talked about ambassadors, and how that is a political term and not a religious term. God called us to be his ambassadors. When you are an ambassador you represent an entire country, hence the reason we are ambassadors, we represent the Kingdom of God. When you become an ambassador the government takes care of everything for you, your food, childs tuition, bills, cars, ect. They don't want you to be worried about anything else, they just want you to well represent your country. That why Jesus said don't worry about what you shall eat, drink, or wear....God provides all of it for us, so that we can focus on representing him on the earth. Anway, there was so much more, and I hope I made sense, I couldn't possibly describe it how he did, but he will be on all week if any of you have time to watch it. I highly recommend it, I think I might read his book....Oh my reading list is getting way to long, so many good books so little time...

More about Captivating

2005-11-04T15:50:00.000-08:00

I said I would be writing more about what I have been learning about this book, so here it is:

There is so much to say about this book, and I could not possibly talk about all the things I have learned. Another thing the authors were talking about was the fact that every girl/women wants to be a part of an adventure. She wants her part in the adventure to be irreplacable. She doesn't just want to be the helper or the servant, which God also created her to help and serve but that is not all she is designed to do. Obviously no one likes the feeling that somehow they can be replaced, that is what jealousy is, the feeling that you can somehow be replaced. One of the most important things to a girl is to know that she is loved unconditionally and will never be replaced, to have that sense of security and trust is vital. One of the things God has been teaching me in my own life is that he loves me unconditionally and there is nothing I could say or do to make Him love me more or less. That is so freeing, because then I am not trying to perform or act like something I am not. Because of that I can love him more and feel free to be myself knowing that he won't reject me. And because I know I am precious in the eyes of God and He will never reject me, I have more freedom to be myself around others.

If we were to have a real revelation of the love of Christ, I believe it would completely change us. Change how we perceive God, change how we think of ourselves, and change what we think about others.

Not all of the things I talked about were from the book, but it was things that I have been thinking about sense reading the book.

Christian or Disciple?

2005-10-31T09:22:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately on what it means to be a Christian, and I've been thinking if I even like that term. I'm beginning to realize that to say you are a Christian in todays culture really doesn't always mean a whole lot. Pretty much everyones a "christian". But what does it really mean to be one? I was watching the Ramp the other day, which for you who haven't heard me talk about it is a great youth group in Alambama, and Karen Wheaton was talking about this exact same thing. She said the word Christian is mentioned only 3 times in the Bible and the word disciple is mention over a hundred times. A disciple is someone who is willing to lay down there absolute all and follow Christ, no matter what the cost. She was also talking about people in China who follow Christ and the criteria for being a pastor there is you have to have been in prison at least once, and in Pakistan if you are caught worshipping you lose your right arm, but they say, "thats ok I still have one more to raise!". I don't know about you but that amazes me. I want to love Christ like that. Here in America we have it so easy, we take so many things for granted. Actually Christians are sometimes the hardest to be around. I work at Celebration and whenever we have Christian movies come out the Christians that come to see those are worse that the people that come to see the nasty R rated movies...ITS PATHETIC! It makes me so upset. Pastor Dave was talking about last night how if you are going to use the name of Jesus make sure that you are kind and compassionate. That is definitely the opposite of what many Christians are today. (Which by the way church was AWESOME last night!)

I just want to make sure that I am continually surrendering my all to God. I've realized how apathetic and mediocre I had been in my in my relationship with God. I mean he is the Creator of the entire Universe and sometimes we just push Him aside. I no longer want to live a mediocre life....I want to surrender everything I have no matter what the cost, I want to continue to go deeper into the heart of God everyday. Many times we say we want to know God, but do we really? Even the painful sides? If we want to know if as the Comforter something is going to have to happen in our lives when we need comforting. If we want to know him as the Healer than something has to happen in our lives where we need healing emotionally or physically. Now I'm not saying that God makes us sick or whatever, but I am saying that sometimes he allows things to happen in our lives so that He can display his glory. Damon Thompson who is another person that speaks at the ramp, said that "God didn't just go to the cross to take your place, he went to the cross to show you how to die." Being a Christian isn't always going to be easy but its going to be well worth the cost.

Romanced

2005-10-24T10:09:00.000-07:00

I have been really trying to think of good topics to write about in my blog, but it normally takes a long time before I come up with a good one.

Anyway, I thought I would write about some of the things I have been learning in the book, Capitivating. So far my favorite part in the book has been the chapter on romance. They (John and Stasi Eldredge) talk about how God wants to romance us, and He shows his love for us in so many different ways.They also talk about how God wants to pour out his love on us, he wants to romance us. They said, "God delights in revealing himself to those who will seek him with all their hearts. He is an extravagant, abundant Lover, and he loves to reveal his heart to us again and again."

I have never really thought of God as a Lover. I have always thought of Him as a Father or a friend, which he also is, but to know that God can even satisfy the longing in my heart to be pursued, fought for, loved, romanced, is amazing. Another part in the book which I am going to quote is kinda long, but I love it...They said,

"Every song you love, every memory you cherish, every moment that has moved you to holy tears has been given to you from the One who has been pursuing you from your first breath in order to win your heart. God's version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars, moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; warm wind, swaying trees, lush gardens, and fierce devotion....He knows what takes your breath away, knows what makes your heart beat faster."

I will most likely be writing so much more about this book, but I just wanted to share a little bit about what I have been learning from this amazing book.

Importance of Friendships and Praise

2005-10-17T00:31:00.000-07:00

Alright, I really don't even know why I even write in this thing because it seems like no one reads it besides my brother, but I'm scared to write certain things in here just in case some people do read it.

Anyway, as you already know I started an internship a couple weeks ago and it is amazing, I have been able to attend so many meetings and write articles for a newsletter and meet different people...I love it!!!!

Different subject....but have any of you just get tired of hearing the same old things, like wishing that you could once again just have deep and meaningful conversation with a close friend. I just sometimes get so tired of the pointless meaningless talk with people that I would consider to be "aquaintances". Its so hard to find true friends nowadays. Now I know it takes a while to cultivate a good relationship with someone but I haven't really found any people lately that I would think I could have a good relationship with, (besides sara)....(nick, and aaron are also my close friends but they all live quite a ways away). Not that I am at all taking them for granted, they are amazing people, and everytime I hang out with them I actually walk away feeling like I have learned something. I also know that I can always be myself around them, so thank you for your friendship, you guys are awesome and I thank God for placing you in my life.

Another change of subject....God has been teaching me lately the importance of praise and just spending time with Him. Its amazing how I could just be having a horrible day but just start praising him for things and its like he just lifts the burdens right off of your shoulders...its amazing! The power of praise is amazing. Another thing that God has been teaching me is about how sometimes I just go to Him when I need something. Like I go to Him when times are hard, he fills me with joy and peace and then I go on for a couple days just living off that one experience. God wants so much more than that, he wants are relationship. I think another thing that adds to that in my life which I wrote in one of my earlier posts is the false idea that God is always mad at me for the things I've done, so it seems like I can't go to him...I know this is a lie.

Running in Place......

2005-10-15T01:15:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like your running in place? I mean spiritually....I just always get so mad at myself, I tell God that I'm sorry and say that I'll continue to turn to Him but then I always mess up again....It gets sooooo annoying. And then after I do mess up I feel like I can't go to God because He's mad at me, I know this isn't true but it just seems so real. It feels like I have to be perfect all the time to get God to be pleased with me, and I know that isn't true either. I just wish I could get a revelation of His unconditional love for me. I feel like that one part in the Bible where Paul says something like, the things that I want to do I don't do, and things I don't want to do I do.

Moving On....

2005-10-09T21:12:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been very um, different. I can't really think of the right word, maybe interesting is a better one. Like I said in one of my earlier posts there are so many changes going on, all of them I believe are good. I believe God is trying to get my attention by showing me that things will change and trials will come, but God remains faithful through it all, and that He is the only one that can truely fill the void that inside of me. Its so good to know that God is always there and He is definitely the best person to have around. He's also showing me how important it is to just be myself, relax, and enjoy life while trusting in Him. There is so much more God has for us in the future, why hang onto the past? Releasing everything to Him and allowing yourself to become vulnerable to Him might not be easy, but I would have to say its worth it. Its good to remember good things in the past and be grateful for them, but its not good to live in the past. Same goes for bad memories, its important that we don't become discouraged or depressed, but know we can learn from them and move on, knowing that God has so many more great things in store for us in the future.....(Jeremiah 29:11).

Amazing Love

2005-10-04T19:19:00.000-07:00

Like I have been saying I have been reading that book called "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. And I have to say its amazing. God has really been working in my life through reading that book. Some of the book talkes about how God wants to romance us. It was also talking about the relationship between a bride and the bridegroom (because we are the bride of Christ). It was so fascinating I never thought of it like that. Just that God is so deeply, deeply in love with us, that He wants us far more than we want Him. He even usest things in nature to grab our attention. Its so absolutely amazing how God's love can completely set you free. I am truly beginning to realize now that everything I could ever want and need is in him, and as I delight myself in him, he will give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). I mean He wants to spend the day with us, he wants to be involved in every area of our lives. He wants to go into the depths of our hearts where we might not let anyone else see and heal the wounded broken places. When we are hurt, he wants to dry our tears. Its absolutely amazing. So yeah, God has just been really showing me how much he really loves me, and through that its setting me free from things I didn't even know I was bound by, and healing hurts that I tried to pretend weren't there. Anyway, I really encourage you, if you are a girl to read that book. And if you are a guy John Eldredge wrote a book called "Wild at Heart" which is for guys.

Busy....Busy....Busy....

2005-10-03T18:30:00.000-07:00

I started my first day of interning today and it was interesting. I really didn't do a whole lot just got familiar with the place and met some people. I am interning at Public Affairs Association, which is where some of the lobbyists for Michigan work. I'll be interning there about 15 hours a week plus working and school. I don't think I have one day completely off so that stinks, but at least I won't be bored.
As I was interning I was watching Jennifer Granholm's State of the State address (2005). Politics is so cheesy and fake. She would say something like "Michigan is the best state in the country" and the whole left side would stand and clap. I mean just stupid stuff and people would go insane. I like politics but at the same time I hate it. I mean it interests me and I think I will continue to major in it but it can be so frusterating at times.
Again, I don't really have a whole lot to say. I mean I could go on and continue to talk about my day and all but it just feels weird writing paragraphs and paragraphs about my life.

2005-10-02T19:49:00.000-07:00

Okay...I'm not exactly in the greatest of moods right now, its kinda a mixture of boredom and I'm kinda upset. But no worries because I can't share it on this thing anyway. You know now that I am actually starting to write in this thing I am realizing how much I really can't write in here. I have always kept a journal for years and I could always write whatever I wanted in it, but this is completely different (your probably looking at this going duh!) Its just a lot different from what I am used to.
Change of subject.....I really want to go see a movie tonight but I don't think anyone can. Have any of you seen "The Greatest Game Ever Played"? I think It looks pretty good. Well I think I'm gonna go for now, but probably be on later with more....

Rumors

2005-10-02T18:10:00.000-07:00

Okay I don't know who started the whole rumor about Sean and I, but we are not dating and we did not kiss or anything...so yeah just to set the record straight. Rumors, wow how do things get so messed up...Oh well, life goes on.....

2005-10-01T20:10:00.000-07:00

Alrighty, another day and more thinking to go along with it. Now, I even though I have a ton of things on my mind I don't think I want to write them down on the internet for everyone to see, some things I think are best to keep between you and God. Sometimes I wish I could tell someone, but who would I tell? Anway, what did I do today? Not anything overly exciting I guess, I did quite a bit of homework (preparing for a huge exam this coming tuesday) and I went to work (which by the way was EXTEMELY busy but fun). Monday I start my internship and I'm kinda nervous, I just hope its fun seeing as I have to put in 15 hours a week there. Like I said before I am reading that "Captivating" book right now by John and Stasi Eldredge and its sooooo....good. However, its bringing a lot of things up that is sometimes hard to deal with, I would rather just shove my feelings down and act like nothings going on inside rather than reveal them and become vulnerable. But, how will I ever be healed and truely restored then? It brings up so many good points and things that I desperately need to hear right now, even though its seems like at the moment it is making somethings harder. I don't know if I am even making sense right now, but I can't explain everything I am thinking right now, I don't know who all reads this thing. "Waiting" I guess is a good term for what I am thinking and feeling right now. Waiting for many different things. Anway, I think I am going to stop now because this probably doesn't make sense....

2005-09-30T19:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have been doing a lot of thinking about all sorts of things, but first about what I talked about yesterday. Nick what you said I think is right. It may not necessarily always be fakeness so much as people just really don't have a true relationship with Jesus. And whats so sad is God wants us to walk with Him so intimately, He wants to be with us more than we want Him. We are supposed to walk in tremendous power, but because that intimate fellowship isn't there God can't release as much into our lives. There is so much more out there, more than what we have ever experienced, more than what we know now. One thing thats hard for me to remember sometimes is that God loves us and always will, I mean yeah I "know" that but just to know that nothing I do can make him love me more or less. I guess I still sometimes try to do "good works" to get God to love me more and if I mess up than God is mad at me. I have been reading an AMAZING book called "Capitivating", I definitely recommend for all the girls out there, actually it would probably even be good for guys to read it. It has helped me soooo much. I'll probably be adding more tonight, but I have to go eat my brownies now....

2005-09-29T20:18:00.000-07:00

"Stain Glass Masquerade"
(Casting Crowns)

Is there anyone that fails?
Is there anyone that falls?
Am I the only one in church today feeling so small?
Cuz when I take look around
Everybody seems so small
I know they'll soon discover that I don't belong
So I tuck it all away like everythings ok
If I make them all believe it
Maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin
I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

(Chorus)
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitations open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we'll close the curtain
On our stain glass masquerade

Is there anyone thats been there?
Are there any hands to raise?
Am I the only one thats traded in the alter for a stage?
The performance is convincing
We know every line by heart
Only when know one is watching do we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person that you imagine me to be?
Would your arms be open or would you walk away?
Or would the love of Jesus be enough to make you stay?

(Repeat Chorus)

2005-09-29T18:50:00.000-07:00

Wow, so many changes all in such a short amount of time. But, I do have to say that God remains faithful. Now as much as I hate this term, I think I have gotten out of my "comfort zone" A LOT in the last couple of months. Starting a new job, new school, new internship, and trying to make new friends is not very easy (especially trying to meet people at L.C.C.). Lately I have been attending a bible study at L.C.C. and going to Real Life, both are under "Campus Crusade for Christ". I guess its ok, definitely better than some of the other ones I attended, however, I am getting so sick and tired of the fakeness I see in the church. Even in my own life, as Christians we tend to put on masks and act like we are all spiritual and nothing is going wrong and our lives are perfect, but its all so fake. Since when did God say we had to be perfect? He wants to heal and restore us, and have a real relationship with us. I hear all the time people talking about how God wants to have a relationship with us, that is something I have even been hearing at the Bible study, but how many of us really walk intimately with the Father? I can't say I do all the time, but I am trying. I don't know if any of you have heard the song "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns, but that song is perfect for what I am talking about right now, their song has so much truth in it. I will have to post it sometime.
Well I think that is all for now, I should probably start my homework (oh the joys), but I would love to hear your guys' thoughts.